THAT CHAIR

Feeling sad that I was sitting all alone on a balcony of my new house in a new city, unaware of what’s next to come.
Slowly Sipping a cup of coffee, I made for myself and trying to make sense of all that I’m feeling.
Questioning and answering everything I have ever done in my life like I had all the time in the world to sit on that chair while the storming rain rushed down the dark clouds, and so did my tears.

Hey, there it’s Iris,
Today, I want to give you a glimpse inside my thoughts while I ponder looking at that rain,
And trust me regardless of where you are at in your life, it will help you if not today then tomorrow.
I have so much to say, but nothing to say at all. I want so much to happen, without wanting to see it.
I just want to sit on that chair and watch the dark clouds while they cry the beautiful droplets of relief.
I want to take a deep breath, knowing everything will make sense one day.
I understand that any human can feel the way I am feeling today so, this post intends to tell you that you are not alone.

I have been feeling so many emotions that I’ve never felt before, moving to a new city, leaving my home for the first time, in between all these new people and new environment, learning so much every day, so much about myself that it is almost impossible to comprehend what all this is about.

Sometimes I feel like I’m missing home, homesickness as they call it and my days become like gloomy rainy days, other days I feel free and master of my own life, liberating feeling as they call it and my days develop into a picnic in a pleasant day.
Regardless, between all these conflicting feelings every day, what I’ve truly realized is that feelings are the biggest paradox of life.

A paradox is something distinct from our opinion, it’s like we have all reasons to believe what we think is true but still, it is not true, and why it is false stands beyond the understanding of the tiny human brain.
Feelings that overwhelm us are just like paradoxes, providing grounds and giving rationale to every possible reason why feeling what you feel is true even though what you felt a few moments ago can be contrary to what you feel at that moment.

Sitting far away from family, I suddenly recall why the home was home. The value of every sour and sweet memory and at the same time I understand that I can figure life now, do what I want and finally learn what is like to not be dependent.
But then, life is a never-ending motion and motion suggests that an object is at different places at different times and when you are at different places at different times then nothing is right or wrong, what matters is where you are at the time.

Sometimes I wonder, how will I ever adjust to this new setting, how will I be able to be in peace with shifts and knowing that life is all about change.
Just then I sensed a cool breeze of wind, assuring that I’m adjusting to this new setting and finding solace without realizing it.
Eventually, I felt at ease, like a burden of bitterness has left my shoulders, I was breathing a bit more now while the cool droplets gently touched my cheeks.
I was present here, present in my reality.
I accept that this is the biggest lesson of life because being present is the single most feeling that is as simple as it sounds without paradoxes, twists, or turns.

I strongly believe in positive affirmations and that they tend to have a great influence on the way we perceive life and emotions, so now I allow myself to feel my feelings no matter what they are and let the universe speak to me at this moment.
Looking at the raindrops; now I see nothing but delightful dancing drops eagerly waiting to kiss the ground because

In that instance, I appreciated that I was happy sitting on that chair sipping that cup of coffee in that new city on my balcony all alone.